Boa Viagem

This one is going to hurt. Just the thought of scraping the surface of this life (inside a life) is daunting, frightening, heart wrenching.
I can see it ripping apart already, tearing at the seams. It feels like a tear but it looks like blood, dripping from an open wound.
No, this is not like a failed romance that I can write about, following the usual process to expel pain from my heart, to abort it for once and for all, to extract it like a bullet trapped in the ribs.
No, this is not something I can amputate, and I wouldn't if I could.
Brasil is mixed in my blood, tattooed on my skin, embedded in my brain. Brasil is half of my soul and Boa Viagem is half my heart.

Recife is an old city, situated on the coast of Northeast Brazil, with some old buildings along the Capibaribe and Beberibe rivers, in classic Dutch architecture, with pastels everywhere, Founded as a  Dutch colony, then controlled by Portugal, known as the Venice of South America, this is the most important city and port in Brasil's Northeast.
I was fourteen when I moved from Rio. First to the old part of town, at Rua da Aurora street, it was here that I met Fabio Craveiro (son of famous journalist Paulo Craveiro) and Daniel Zimmerman. They were to become my first friends in Recife (Daniel and I remain friends to this day).

I was completely and absolutely lost. I didn't speak Portuguese fluently yet, and I missed my father terribly.
We lived on the 21st floor and had a full view of the city. From the living room I could see the Ilha do Governador (Governor's Island), with another body of land in between, bridges crossing both rivers, across from my apartment.
My stepfather had a really busy schedule, always in campaigns for his political party and my mother went with him most of the time. I was left to the care of a couple of maids, and these two friends. My mother eventually signed me up at the American School where I was able to continue studying, since all classes were taught in English plus an hour of Portuguese daily.
The school was (and still is) in the neighborhood of Boa Viagem, a suburb by the beach where the beachfront 5 Star Hotels and luxury apartments stand side by side, row after row.
I remember it used to take me 4 hours to get there on the school bus, each way, everyday. We eventually moved to Boa Viagem and my life would never be the same.

We were 2 blocks away from the beach and pretty close to the Shopping Center. The best part was the view of the Atlantic from my bedroom. Suddenly I wasn't lost anymore, I was nicknamed and became popular in a matter of days, life had gained a brand new meaning. After all, nothing chases away depression like a colorful bikini smiling and squinting at you.
As I grew up into a young man there were several people whom had an influence in whom I've become, my lifelong brother-like friend Gutty, "MaryPop", Alexandra (schoolmate and ex-girlfriend whom I can only describe as Brazil in the shape of a girl. Gamelao, Caca and Paulina (do Transatlantico) who showed me Olinda.
This is the city where I grew up to become a man, where I met people who opened their hearts to immigrants and make them feel at home, who made me feel as part of their family and whom I embraced as my own.
I haven't been to Recife since 1989, and yet I still remember so many little things. I recently reconnected with Rafaella and other friends, it's as if it where yesterday. Gutty is still there... maybe one day, maybe next year...

Eclipse

Some late summer afternoons
I feel the cool breeze messing up your hair
messing with my messy thoughts
when I see your face and your naked shoulders
laying on a pillow
on the white sheets on my bed

then I throw myself on top of you
and there's no room for air between our bodies
that is when I know
I know it all

that is when you look like someone else
every woman does
sweeter, younger
innocent, immaculate
like prey
or maybe it's the rush of blood to the head
or the different angle of vision
but a woman in that position always does

she under my chest is all the stars
suns, moons, super novas
the universe, a flower

life eclipse
equinox death
infinity in your sugar frosted sex
as your eyes reveal to be the source of life
and your breath the air I breathe
your soft breasts under my hands like snowed peaks
as I sleep on your stomach
my tundra, my plateau

then I swim and I bathe
and I drown and drunk I drink your endless waterfall
I devour you all, plump and peach
and then you disappear me in the night
with your spells
with those petals
you call hands.