going off like a car alarm
at 2 am
like a railroad crossing
like a foghorn
like a dog bite
like a lighthouse on fire
I'm the drum boy staring in disbelief
at the angels blowing in their trumpets
at the wave, receding from the sand
about to come back in crushing tsunami
I can feel the ripples on the pond
the storm about to hit
in a sudden implosion of pain
like a sword, stabbing in a deadly blow
cutting me in half
separating a life with
and a life without
like towers collapsing
like castles, burnt to ashes
and if this strange engine feeds on pain
I'll have despair to write for years
The feared phone call
delivering a message, so unreal and deafening
like snow storm and Beethoven
hedge shears ripping my umbilical cord apart
stripping my childhood away
guillotine sudden
during the botched abortion of this midlife crisis.
Picassos, a white cotton dress with bright pink bougainvillea
post cards and a family album covered in blood
more pain than I could ever bear
my body, suspended in mid air
hanging from the fishing hooks of regret
chocking in the poison of all that was said
and all that wasn't
It will take more than a fifth to calm me down
more than a straight jacket to keep me warm
more than your shoulder and your handkerchief
more than an ocean of tears
It will take more than the pull of a locomotive
whistling goodbye
more than the continents we set sail for
many years ago
but I'll keep winding this clock
cause she raised a devil
with the heart of a bull
and two big horns
that's how I imagine it to be
whenever she leaves
but stay clear of my way
cause I know it will be
far, far worse.
