I need a pack of smokes
if only to keep me from shooting myself in the head
... at least till tomorrow
a bottle of Remy Martin, to drown the rest
a lighter to burn your six scents
for the seventh, (which we made together)
I've repeated with many others...
some on long lasting relationships, some just casual lovers
all of whom have failed to replace you.
I need a shovel to exhume the man I used to be
and a grave to bury the dead corpse I've become
A mountain of dirt, to cover two mountains of shame
and a wheelbarrow full of bitterness
A sword.. I don't need Excalibur, a rust box cutter will do
... to cut through whatever passion is left in me
I need 3 metric tons of letter size paper
to print this garbage I write,
not the only questionable thing you like
I also need a shoebox, for my watches
and a used condom to bury my lust
.. and my tears
A blank Bible to write a couple of lies
and a gravestone to remind you that;
when I had your blue eyes
staring at me
I didn't need much of anything.
I began thinking about writing my thoughts about this date about a month ago, and while I can't deny procrastination made me wait till the last minute, I guess it was mostly due to the fact that I am still utterly conflicted with all the thoughts and possible truths which have been brewing and simmering for a decade now. The thought of voicing my thoughts, from the plush, leather couch at the local snobby Starbucks seemed awfully convenient, and not serving in our Armed Forces when I could have, sure adds a feeling of debt.
The truth; what is the truth? we all saw what happened, perhaps much more often than we should have. Were the towers imploded? why was Tower 7 "pulled"? how was it "pulled" in minutes? (prepping a building with demo charges takes time and planing) but then again, we don't really know for a fact what happened.
The truth is, there are still many questions left unanswered and the 9/11 Commission Report is inconclusive.
The truth is we launched a preemptive war and invaded a foreign country based on the strongest political momentum this country had seen in the past two decades, add a (misused) strong sense of patriotism, biased intelligence, a false case presented before the U.N. and a war declaration and war budget blindly approved by representatives from both parties in Congress; for this I blame the Democrats, whom should have served as the counterweight of power. Instead of doing their job and embarking on their own research, they danced along to the tune the Republicans played (that same scratched record keeps playing today).
The Iraqi insurgency was much more than a natural response to a foreign invasion, as it was aided by terrorist groups from other countries. It should have been expected and avoided.
Was it an inside job? if it was, then the Obama administration should have launched an independent probe into the matter.
If it wasn't? then we can all go back to watching Fox News and continue living happily, thinking that relocating the Great Wall of China to the southern border will keep us safe from terrorists. Wait, you know they all had Visas (yup, they all did, even the shoe bomber and the underwear bomber, heck, even a couple of them were sworn Citizens).
Either way, the Obama administration should have started an independent probe into the atrocious money mismanagement, and human rights violations of the Iraqi war. As well as multiple cases of conflict of interest between big oil, Halliburton, Blackwater and the Bush administration. Instead, he engaged in his own Vietnam in Egypt and Libya (you think I'm a pessimist? just give it a year) and his own money mismanagement blunder with the massive bailouts of both American and foreign banks (the largest shareholder of Citibank is a Saudi Prince) and we still have to deal with an ever growing Anti-American sentiment in the Middle East, a threat that should not be taken lightly.
Above all, we need to make sure our Vets (on tour or at home), our Firefighters (with dust in their lungs or fighting to keep their unions) and all our men and women in uniform receive the care and resources they require and fucking deserve.
Credit were it should be: Obama has supported drone strikes which have killed more terrorist militants than 8 years of the Bush administration, including Osama Bin Laden. The Obama administration has also deported more illegal immigrants than the Bush administration and has kept Gitmo and FISA going. Like it or not, we haven't had a terrorist attack since he was elected.
What does this date mean to me? I'm an American born overseas and I have always identified with America (this I owe to my Old Man). I attended American Schools, learned to speak English, understood and embraced its core values, and followed most of our ways, even while living overseas (I mean Christmas and other celebrations at home, don't think I tried imposing 4th of July on foreign countries). Yet, it is undeniable that there's a sense of pride for being part Mexican, and there is also a place in my heart for Brasil.
Ten years ago today, things began to change... I knew it was a violent act from the moment the first plane hit the North Tower, the hit on the South Tower confirmed my suspicion, and my heart sunk to the bottom of my stomach. I was working at the same building where I still work at, in Issaquah, and the sadness, the heartbreak, the disbelief set on our faces and our hearts. It was almost like a heavy blanket, like a punch in the stomach. Something had been torn and broken, something had been taken from all these people around me, something had been taken from me.
I stared at the towers, collapsing on the projector at a conference room, and thought of my dad growing up in La Jolla and the Glorietta Bay Beach in Coronado, same beach I used to go to as a child, same house, always free of worry. That sense of peace and security, had been shattered.
While living in Mexico and Brazil I was taught to always be aware of my surroundings, and of those around me, and stuff.. not in The States.. here I was safe, here I didn't have to worry about all that, till 9/11.
My ex-wife and I went to the International Fountain, at the Seattle Center on Sept. 12, 2001 for a flower vigil. There must have been over 30,000 people there, putting up a temporary wall of flowers, and cards, and balloons, and words and... we were all mourning.
We walked around the fountain a few times, then all that sadness and sorrow forged into a lake of tears and flames and broken glass when the Seattle's Fire Department Pipe Band marched in, with their uniforms and bagpipes. Their faces were as still as solemnity, almost like statues, to the tune of a funeral march. That's when I saw everyone come together in a single voice of pain and strength, of brotherhood, of a deep sense of pride and belonging. It was by far one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen, and one of the most powerful things I've ever been a part of. It was then that I truly felt I belonged here, that I would gladly serve and defend this land with my life, it was then that I knew I'd never leave. I'm an American in every way, and I will never forget and I will never forgive, and I can tell you that if you're still pissed off at the people who did this, well, so am I... and everyday I meet more and more people who feel the same way.
We love America, as imperfect as it may be, but we love it, and we like it just the way it is.
Stars and stripes are now inked on my right arm, emblazoned forever, and rightly so.
