Dead Stars

There's something missing

like the accidental wedding ring

flushed down the toilet, hurriedly.

It feels like a whirlpool, 

like my esophagus, opening and swallowing it all

down to the black hole of my stomach

in this eternally empty corpse of mine.

You were my horizon

my ocean

my parallel.

and now

without your light

without your eyes staring at me

all I have left, is time

and I don't want it anymore.

I sold my hope

I lent my strength

I donated my love 

and I pawned my soul

and now

I just want to drown.

If I could stop chocking on my words

If I could to stop writing

If I could stop lying

for I can fight it no more.

I just want to drown

and slowly and quietly sink

into the ocean

and into the night

back to the womb
back to the beginning

so I can stab it

so I can set it on fire

but that would mean erasing my existence,
and I could never do that
what else, then? to keep you awake at night.