About five years ago I began to recognize fears, thoughts, decisions and feelings which were not my own, but lived somewhere in my mind. Part of my mind is slave to my ego (Ego being the Paris Hilton we all have) telling me I'm not "capable enough", that my car isn't "new enough", that this rain has ruined the day, the waitress brought me a shitty meal, and as an employee I am this and that and blah blah blah... that stupid bitch doesn't know when to stop and for her it's never enough) but I believed her, because she was my mind and I thought my mind was Me. It's not, because I want to be HAPPY, Free from dogmas and from having to fulfill a certain lifestyle. Free from having to buy brand names,eating out at certain places, and just stuff.. what a yawn... and fear, because it's a prison full of doubts and anguish and seemingly endless worry.
Acknowledgment isn't nearly enough, it's necessary (for me, at least) to exercise and apply what is learned. This was how (metaphorically speaking) I dug handlebars to my mind, got up to ride it, and well, there I go... trying to identify when Paris Hilton (it's so hard to unlearn) fills my mind with fears, uncertainties, low self esteem and tantrums. That's when I try to remember "Usually when I'm upset, I'm not really upset about what I thought I was upset about anyway, but due to self doubt, fears or doubts.) Sometimes she'll throw me down on the ground, but one must get up, and ride her again, and teach her (well, teach ourselves) that WE are in control, and WE decide. Not the sudden violent reactions, emotions, desires, or the empty and always hungry consumerist whore (our ego) always thinking of how to change the dwelving in the past, always afraid of an uncertain future which may never come, in the constant worry which seemingly changes nothing, but steals away our present, and presents (preferably wrapped in colorful prints and bows) are what it feeds of.
This is how I quit drinking, this is how I quit smoking, this is how I lost weight, and began to feel complete.
I began making better friends (and leaving others whom haven't developed an awareness to spiritual consciousness, or presence). Eckhart Tolle, Buddha, probably you (reading this because you're my friend) and Jesus have helped me unconditionally. Your anguish, your worry, your doubts they aren't yours... it's all just a trick your mind plays on you, don't fall for it, don't believe her, and chose instead for imagination, for self awareness, for the light, for your capability, for your strength and for your true Self.
"The situation isn't the main cause for your sadness, but rather how you think about it” - Eckhart Tolle but don't mistake fear for instinct... There are times when fear can save your own life, so long as you don't let it reign).
.... Oh, I'm sorry. that Paris Hilton comment is a guy thing. For women, it is an angry version of Justin Bieber.
