One Brown Mouse

I saw a mouse today
well, its tail
it was sticking out from a cat’s mouth
and it reminded me how wonderful life is
and how short

Heya, the tail is gone….
and by now it’s almost 3:00am again
time flowing, like running water
I gave up clasping it with clenched fists
in its timely sandy erosion

But, what is left?

The money is gone
the jobs are routines
time disappears
so what is left?
For us, mortal men
a muse does just fine
and is enough for life to be lived
everything else is just an accessory
like falling stars

“in the darkness there's no sympathy
just fear”

Sleeping Pills

Sometimes I feel strange
you know what I mean?
like not so much myself
it really isn't walking on the edge
cause that's where I thrive
I was born hanging from it
it's just that some days are...
sometimes strange
perhaps, too strange

Days in which my mind races
and plays tricks on me
just honing on the same stupid questions
over and over again
am I good enough?
will I ever pay my debt?
should I keep on writing?
and I look in the mirror
and think to myself
"well, at least you're not going bald anytime soon"
"I need to lose this weight"
and it's back to the couch
when did I switch from Tom & Jerry to Jerry & Steve?
and the questions come back
like killer bees from hell
stinging my peaceful evening
and blowing my nirvana out of the water
am I the best lover she's ever had?
am I tall enough?
well, nothing to do there, so let's move on
...but
am I tall enough?
at least I'm not going bald
should I get a dog?
is the Starbucks still open?
I have to quit smoking
...and I walk out to my deck and light up another Marlboro
and blow off these poison dart thoughts
and then
they come back again
only to be interrupted by the whistling teapot
I could take drugs
but then I'd be thinking that I could become a heavy user
so that's a no go
how I wish she was here
to run her fingers through my hair
and swim in the peace of her blue eyes
how I wish she was here
to lift and throw the sheets and blankets on the floor
like some Latino Godzilla
ravaging everything on my path
roaring and raging
bull and matador

yes, something is different now
like a hurricane
or sudden hiccups
like coffee stains
or a storm approaching
change happened
and I must confess
that I have never slept so well.

Crossed Paths

I had been looking for you
with your blue eyes
to show me the sky
with your white skin
for me to show you the snow
with your hands
to guide my way

and now I found
there is so much more to you

I had been waiting for you
with your strength, your courage
to stand by my side
with your passion, your heart
to lighten my night
with your lips
to sugar my day

and now with you
there is so much more I find

You take my hand
and I stand tall and strong
proud, brute, animal and bull
the man that I am in totality
has become yours
and only yours

Like a sword and anvil
like sax and bourbon
whispers in the night
glasses for the blind
or goldfish in a fishtank
I had never felt before
the freedom that you give me
when I give myself to you
the love, the skin, the fire
when I hold you and make you mine

and now that I have you
I just love you so much more
so much more than this heart ever thought it could
and so much more than I could ever wish for.

Existentialism

As a little boy
my old man showed me the sunsets
from the deck of his yacht
in the middle of the bay
sudden sunbeams splashing the blue sky
with amazing oranges and reds
I saw his wisdom
in the blue of his eyes

As I grew up
while sailing in the Sea of Cortez
we ran into a school of dolphins
he jokingly pushed me overboard
into the open ocean
and I made new friends
friends with fins
I saw his encouragement
in the blue of his eyes

He then taught me how to sail
how to drink, eat and smoke
how to treat a lady, how to speak of them
how to fish, how to talk
I saw his experience
in the blue of his eyes

He taught me by example
living life to the fullest
in freedom, with God
he taught me almost everything
that I ever needed to know
in the blue of his eyes
which I have no more
the little boy he raised, misses him often
that is something that will never change

...and then you came along
you stood in front of me
you looked me in the eye
and showed me what love is
a love I had never known before
my chest exploded in rage like an awakened bull
and the fool that I am, that I have always been
knew that the man that I've become
is destined to live for you
and at that moment I saw everything I needed to see
sunsets, dolphins, blue skies and open oceans
my childhood, my manhood, every single pore
and I saw everything my dad saw in me
in the blue of your eyes.