Sleeping Pills

Sometimes I feel strange
you know what I mean?
like not so much myself
it really isn't walking on the edge
cause that's where I thrive
I was born hanging from it
it's just that some days are...
sometimes strange
perhaps, too strange

Days in which my mind races
and plays tricks on me
just honing on the same stupid questions
over and over again
am I good enough?
will I ever pay my debt?
should I keep on writing?
and I look in the mirror
and think to myself
"well, at least you're not going bald anytime soon"
"I need to lose this weight"
and it's back to the couch
when did I switch from Tom & Jerry to Jerry & Steve?
and the questions come back
like killer bees from hell
stinging my peaceful evening
and blowing my nirvana out of the water
am I the best lover she's ever had?
am I tall enough?
well, nothing to do there, so let's move on
...but
am I tall enough?
at least I'm not going bald
should I get a dog?
is the Starbucks still open?
I have to quit smoking
...and I walk out to my deck and light up another Marlboro
and blow off these poison dart thoughts
and then
they come back again
only to be interrupted by the whistling teapot
I could take drugs
but then I'd be thinking that I could become a heavy user
so that's a no go
how I wish she was here
to run her fingers through my hair
and swim in the peace of her blue eyes
how I wish she was here
to lift and throw the sheets and blankets on the floor
like some Latino Godzilla
ravaging everything on my path
roaring and raging
bull and matador

yes, something is different now
like a hurricane
or sudden hiccups
like coffee stains
or a storm approaching
change happened
and I must confess
that I have never slept so well.