I'm standing by the window
barefoot, smoking my last cigarette
and there's no moon tonight
just the dark, starless sky
there are no planets either
and no 747's with their blinking lights
there's nothing
not even a super nova to come and take me away
or a comet to hitch a ride with.
Tomorrow,
tomorrow the sun won't come out
all the yellow flowers on the curb will die
bunnies will disappear in the forest
and all life will stand still
motionless
as I stand barefoot by the window and cry
Tomorrow there will be no more highway
there are two plane tickets
but there's nowhere to go
no raft in the ocean
no lifeguard, no nurse
There will be no wine
no diving boards
no children riding on their bikes
there will be no phone calls
and no cards in the mail
Tomorrow there will be the most absolute nothing
it will be the last page of a book
"The End" of a motion picture
the end of the camera film
and the end of the song
which I heard in your eyes
Nothing
Absolutely nothing
only yesterday
and the yesterday before that
and the one before
The yesterdays when I had you with me
when we said goodbye in the crowded airport
when we sat and prayed for safe trips
when we made incredible love promises
when we wrote pages in our book
and all of your 56 smiles will be replayed in my mind
I will hear all your different laughs
and remember all your words
your blue eyes will be forever present
reminding me there's hope
when there isn't
as the scarlett letter burns me at the stake
because there's nothing
nothing, nothing, nothing
just an abyss of emptiness
two jars of darkness
a bottle of air that is hard to breathe
and an endless ocean of pain
and guilt
and beyond that ocean
there's only more nothing
much more...
As I walk the empty Seattle streets
remembering my yesterdays with you
as life slowly escapes from me
and I roam in comatose insomnia
I bid you farewell
and I know it was all my own doing
but now that the tulips are dead
I stand barefoot by the window
and slowly begin to die
yesterday starts tomorrow
tomorrow starts today.
5/7/07
Longest Chapter
We met at a bar in Mexico City
it was 1999 and sheer coincidence
or so we thought
Blonde with green-blue eyes
ensnared I saw her
dancing on the bar
with her friend Rachelle
I was with my coworkers Miguel Angel, Julio, and Mariana
celebrating Miguel's birthday
Hugo, Frida and I shared an apartment in La Condesa
and I had never heard of Wenatchee
She then returned and stayed for a month with me
on a small apartment I moved to, in the Napoles neighborhood
Then my mother finally found my certificate of birth
in the bottom of a safe she keeps at a bank
I then got a new American Passport
and flew to Seattle
Two suitcases, two hand drums
as hippie as I could be
I arrived in seatac in time to drive by the Kingdome
which was imploded the very next day
From there to Orondo, in Eastern Washington
in the beautiful Pacific Northwest
Snow was a first for me
and daytrips to Leavenworth magical
then I learned to drive a tractor
and went to work in the fields
Damn that beginning was tough
getting food from the food bank
buying cheap cigarretes
and Starbucks was a treat
Yet, I never lost hope
We flew to Palm Springs
to spend Christmas with my mom and family
then we came back and I started working at GTC
my first job as a csr at a micro call center
one fine day someone from the College called
asking me to teach Windows and Office in Spanish
little did I know
that would change my life
pretty soon I quit GTC and went to work for an ISP
Northwest Internet, but that didn't last very long
I got a call from Volt, saying there was a temp job at Microsoft
woohoo, my dream come true
Then this guy named Sergio called me, and we spoke of Windows 98 and NT
and of soccer and cachaca
in English, Spanish and Portuguese (little did I know, we would become great friends)
Next thing I see is Bellevue
and here we come, to Lincoln Plaza
Truly I never expected to be hired
I came to network, for when I graduated from WVC
Instead, the very next day they told me I was in
That's how I started
as an evil volt trilingual csr
That's when I met Travers, Norberg, Hayes, Lee, and Smith.
We moved to Issaquah and I worked my ass off
8 months later it all paid off
When my badge finally turned blue
We got married in 12/03/2005
shortly after chacha came into our life
in Acapulco, Mexico
where I spent so many months with my Dad in his yacht
but this time we went out on Juan Emilio's 48" Benetteau
We then returned back to Issy
and she went back to working at the tanning place
We lived a long relationship
the longest I've ever had
and the washer that life is
with its cycles and tumbles
bleached the mesh away, at least some of it
and tomorrow I will stand before a judge
who will tell me it's all finally over
I like to think we have moved on
after over a year separated I believe we have
still, it hurts
Now all I see is a suitcase
and it is all I keep
I'm glad to say it has nothing
but incredibly wonderful memories.
" - Everything goes and everything remains
But going is our thing
Go making path
Path on the sea
I never pursued glory
or leave in the memory
of men my song
I love the subtle worlds
Gravityless and gentle
like soap bubbles
I like to see them paint themselves
In blue and red in flight
Trembling under the blue sky
suddenly and breaking
I never pursued glory
Traveller, your footprints are of the path and nothing more
You make the path by walking, and by looking back
You see the meadow that should never be walked again
Traveller, there is no path, you make the path by walking
Sometime ago, in that place
Where forests wear thorns
The screaming voice of a poet was heard
Traveller, there is no path
You make the path by walking
Punch by punch, verse by verse
The poet died, far from home
The dust of a neighboring country covers him
In the distance they saw him cry
Traveller, there is no path
You make the path by walking
Punch by punch, verse by verse
When the songbird doesn't want to sing
When the poet is a nomad
When praying doesn't help us
Traveller, there is no path
You make the path by walking
Punch by punch, verse by verse"
N. Hinojosa
it was 1999 and sheer coincidence
or so we thought
Blonde with green-blue eyes
ensnared I saw her
dancing on the bar
with her friend Rachelle
I was with my coworkers Miguel Angel, Julio, and Mariana
celebrating Miguel's birthday
Hugo, Frida and I shared an apartment in La Condesa
and I had never heard of Wenatchee
She then returned and stayed for a month with me
on a small apartment I moved to, in the Napoles neighborhood
Then my mother finally found my certificate of birth
in the bottom of a safe she keeps at a bank
I then got a new American Passport
and flew to Seattle
Two suitcases, two hand drums
as hippie as I could be
I arrived in seatac in time to drive by the Kingdome
which was imploded the very next day
From there to Orondo, in Eastern Washington
in the beautiful Pacific Northwest
Snow was a first for me
and daytrips to Leavenworth magical
then I learned to drive a tractor
and went to work in the fields
Damn that beginning was tough
getting food from the food bank
buying cheap cigarretes
and Starbucks was a treat
Yet, I never lost hope
We flew to Palm Springs
to spend Christmas with my mom and family
then we came back and I started working at GTC
my first job as a csr at a micro call center
one fine day someone from the College called
asking me to teach Windows and Office in Spanish
little did I know
that would change my life
pretty soon I quit GTC and went to work for an ISP
Northwest Internet, but that didn't last very long
I got a call from Volt, saying there was a temp job at Microsoft
woohoo, my dream come true
Then this guy named Sergio called me, and we spoke of Windows 98 and NT
and of soccer and cachaca
in English, Spanish and Portuguese (little did I know, we would become great friends)
Next thing I see is Bellevue
and here we come, to Lincoln Plaza
Truly I never expected to be hired
I came to network, for when I graduated from WVC
Instead, the very next day they told me I was in
That's how I started
as an evil volt trilingual csr
That's when I met Travers, Norberg, Hayes, Lee, and Smith.
We moved to Issaquah and I worked my ass off
8 months later it all paid off
When my badge finally turned blue
We got married in 12/03/2005
shortly after chacha came into our life
in Acapulco, Mexico
where I spent so many months with my Dad in his yacht
but this time we went out on Juan Emilio's 48" Benetteau
We then returned back to Issy
and she went back to working at the tanning place
We lived a long relationship
the longest I've ever had
and the washer that life is
with its cycles and tumbles
bleached the mesh away, at least some of it
and tomorrow I will stand before a judge
who will tell me it's all finally over
I like to think we have moved on
after over a year separated I believe we have
still, it hurts
Now all I see is a suitcase
and it is all I keep
I'm glad to say it has nothing
but incredibly wonderful memories.
" - Everything goes and everything remains
But going is our thing
Go making path
Path on the sea
I never pursued glory
or leave in the memory
of men my song
I love the subtle worlds
Gravityless and gentle
like soap bubbles
I like to see them paint themselves
In blue and red in flight
Trembling under the blue sky
suddenly and breaking
I never pursued glory
Traveller, your footprints are of the path and nothing more
You make the path by walking, and by looking back
You see the meadow that should never be walked again
Traveller, there is no path, you make the path by walking
Sometime ago, in that place
Where forests wear thorns
The screaming voice of a poet was heard
Traveller, there is no path
You make the path by walking
Punch by punch, verse by verse
The poet died, far from home
The dust of a neighboring country covers him
In the distance they saw him cry
Traveller, there is no path
You make the path by walking
Punch by punch, verse by verse
When the songbird doesn't want to sing
When the poet is a nomad
When praying doesn't help us
Traveller, there is no path
You make the path by walking
Punch by punch, verse by verse"
N. Hinojosa
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