Full Metal Jacket

Today I woke up early
before everybody else
just like my horoscope said.

The coffee maker brew at 5am
right on the dot.
My camo pants and shirt are on the bed
the gun I bought at the pawn shop is loaded
and the tazer is fully charged
last night I got the bugger primed.

I set my alarm clock for this
and it's right on time
I have quite the day ahead of me
but first I want to catch a bird
that white morning dove
immaculate heaven fallen angel
I'm about to surprise her on the window sill
there she is
and I'm crouching silently
Shhhhh!!! I'm now behind her
slowly....
grab her suddenly and let her fight
without getting away
then hold her and caress her
kiss her little white head
make a nest for her in my arms...

Then tear her wings apart with my bare hands
throw her in the burning oven
together with a Bible and the rest of my bills
with a fifth of jack and the instructions to life
setting the fucking place on fire
while I chew on a box full of full metal jackets
and red hot Chipotle peppers
feed the fire
spitting out flaming tequila bursts from my nose

I want to tackle the fridge to the ground
and split the bathtub with an axe
I want to kick your puppie's milk bowl
and shoot grandma's oxygen tank with a sawed off shotgun
then tango with her carcass

I want to punch a math teacher on the face
rob a bank
fight a cop
hire an expensive Asian prostitute
fuck her in the alley
drink a bottle of Chivas
smoke a cigar
drive a limo at 100 mph
on 405
crash it against a Costco gas station
stab myself in the leg
play football with a turtle
throw a bench on the lake
speed on a bike across the bridge
jump from a plane
with a useless parachute
try heroin
vote for McCain
throw lobsters out the window
kiss you and bite your tongue out
kick the tube with my steel toe boots
run, run as fast as I can
run people over with a garbage truck
jump from a building and show you how to fly
grab a high voltage cable, just for the high
play Led Zeppelin on the old turntable
and sit naked on the dirty bathroom floor
to slash my veins and see the snowflakes falling slowly
on the early winter of this miserable life.

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