Ouroboros

Today I ran into a mirror
like a bird
in full flight
I crashed against a window pane

My own prism continues to serve its purpose
of hiding my truth from me
once more
I find myself doing the impossible
jumping to touch unreachable stars
begging for forgiveness
for the stupidity of my heart

Slowly, I see you disappear
upon my quicksand hands
God peeked through the clouds
and laughed at me
"Happy Birthday" I said
and lowered my head
went into a starbucks
and came to write

I know
it is all my fault
I push too hard
and turn everything into salt

It is this ouroboros heart of mine
the serpent that eats its own tail
and then again
and then again

Living, or perhaps dying
tumbling round and round in this washing machine
in this vicious cycle
on which I leave a path of pity
for you to follow me
on which I do everything I shouldn't
to feel accepted
to feel loved

Damn it Jonah
why couldn't the whale swallow me instead?
and why did you have to come back
and prove
that the only way to die
is the way of the gun

It's quite ironic
that exactly today
I find myself in retrospect
making my own cross

Smile, dear
and see that the procession
is not for the sale at Macy's
it's only me
walking with my heavy past
on the via crucis
hoping to find an open manhole at random
hoping to lose all hope